“In youth, it was a way I had, To do my best to please. And change, with every passing lad To suit his theories.

But now I know the things I know And do the things I do, And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you.”  ― Dorothy Parker


In the growing up years you adapted to your family and school and siblings so you could fit in and have the love that every child yearns for. You became an adapted dweller.

The adapted dweller must tell lies, make up stories and present excuses so that others will think they are someone they are not. All of this to be loved, accepted and certain of one’s life.

Adapted dwellers try to control their world so that it is in balance. They have a fear of letting others see them. Challenges are seen as obstacles to be removed so they can get on with the life at hand.  They think they know where they are going and attempt to lay out a plan for each step of their journey. The conformity is an important part of staying safe.

The adapted dwellers’ way of making up their life is to blend it with others’ needs. They put themselves aside because of the fear that if they don’t, others might leave.

In truth the adapted dweller is always alone anyway. No one to trust with their essential knowing.

Then there are the essential knowers. They are an open book. They are connected, real, authentic and ready to be present with you in the moment.

They allow for love and connection to be present in their relationships.

Essential knowers want to grow. They see challenge as an opportunity to learn something new. They engage others to go along with a new idea in a collaborative spirit.

In the end the essential knowers’ need is to contribute to growth, community and a more sustainable world.

You get to choose which one you want to be. In the end it is your power of choice and how you put it into action that sets the road you walk in your life.

This is who you are.