As a kid, I was cut out of the pack by my mother because she decided I was her cherished one.
I did everything with her from cleaning the house to selling raffle tickets at the church bazaar.
Little did I realize this created a situation for me in which I looked out at the world but was not part of the world.
I went to school, came home and hung around with mother.
How many of us are “Mommy’s boy or girl?”
The long and short of this story is that I learned to do things by myself and for myself. Friends didn’t really come into the picture.
There were no cubs or boy scouts for me. I was an island.
It was not a question in my mind when I spent time alone, became estranged from my brothers and sister and hardly felt like I knew my dad.
Is it any wonder this thirteen year old was devastated when mother died. She left me alone in a world I did not know. A family of strangers surrounded me. My dad now had to parent me and my siblings on his own. This was hard for a man who had not practiced at it much.
The extraordinary thing about us humans, however, is that we are very adaptable.
Our brains are extremely flexible in terms of what they can take in and learn. So it was for me an adaptation to live my life without mother and to remain isolated from the rest of the family.
The downside of being isolated is that I lived my life unrevealed. It was better not to tell anybody anything. My family did not know me.
More to the point I did not know myself.
Today I have a choice. I will not take this day for granted. I choose not to be isolated and at the same time realize that there are certain situations I must face alone.
Isolation is different from being alone. When I isolate I shut down from the inside out. My emotions are not available for observation, discussion or healing. No one can help me because I cannot help myself.
Now my heart has been cracked open by recent events. I choose to live with an open heart, with a revealing heart and with a heart that can share joy and sadness in the same day.
Whatever you are going through, you can know that you may have to face the situation alone and at the same time not be isolated to your feelings or those around you.
You have a choice.
I know this is who you are.