We seek clarity, certainty, self-assurance and self-confidence on a daily basis so we will know we are ok. When we are at home or at work our minds go to work calculating our degree of contribution to meet some unseen standard.

We look for assurance from our spouse, significant other or our boss to give us information about how we are doing.

All because we are attempting to get the clearest picture possible of who we think we are.

I noticed this on the weekend as I was making bread.

I had read the recipe.

All the ingredients were out on the table ready for mixing.

Along came a white knight to give me some advice as to how to mix the ingredients, the order they should go into the bowl and how to warm them up before mixing.

It’s always wonderful to have a helpful hand around. Right?

Not so fast.

My historical story about getting things right heard all of the input as criticism.

In some fashion I quickly decided I was not doing it right.

The picture gets fuzzy very quickly when we allow our ego to pull out our historical story.  We have to realize this is not who we are.  It is the story we tell ourselves about who we are.

Let’s look at some skills to develop a clearer picture:

Recognize how you feel. When you can recognize and name your feelings you develop more self confidence.

Put aside your ego. In the moment, your ego has kicked in and it wants you to be right. Then you can’t learn anything because you are not listening.

Learn to be Resilient. The skill of resiliency is the ability to start over without regret after you have been stopped. When you are put off by what is going on just stop for a moment, speak about what is happening and clear the air with the other person. Then start over with a new focus.

These three skills add up to a clear picture when you look in the mirror because you will have a clearer idea of who you are.

This allows for a more mindful life.

This is who you are.